Fifty Shades Of Black
by Moiraina
Summary: Where do people get those rose-tinted glasses? Moony wants to know, he sees his world only through Black-tinted ones and that is becoming unbearable. Rated M for later chapters.
1. Puppy Eye Look

CHAPTER 1:

A puppy-eye look

(or how to make Moony do everything)

„Oh, come on Moony, don't be a wanker! Do I have to beg you on my knees or what?" Sirius growled, now clearly annoyed by the careless hand gesture which Remus, so rudely, had used to convey his disagreement with Sirius' suggestion.

It was a lazy Sunday morning and the boys were resting in the Gryffindor Commons. James was perched on the couch, moving a figure on the chess board with casual flick of his wand. The tiny black queen lifted her skirt a bit and with a mighty swing of the sword she decapitated the frightened white king, which Wormtail accompanied by a mouse-like squeak. "Merlin's saggy balls, Prongs, did you ever hear of a little thing called a friendly game?" Wormtail protested, slamming a fist on the table and knocking down the figures. "Chill, Wormy. It's not my fault you're a sore loser. Or that I happen to be perfectly perfect in everything I do." James snickered turning his attention to the other two boys and their conversation. "So, Pads, any luck convincing our darlin' wolfy to go with you?" he asked.

"Yeah, right. He acts like I suggested him to take a moonlit stroll with a date." Sirius barked, throwing a gold-scarlet Gryffindor pillow on the pale boy, who dodged it successfully and offered the young Black a not-so-nice one finger salute. Sirius ignored it, continuing with his monologue. "It's just a god damn double date, Remus. Look, Helen finally agreed to go out with me when I said she could bring a friend. And her bloody friend likes you. It's quite simple really – I need to get laid pronto and you need to help me with that."

Remus shifted in his seat uncomfortably, praying to Merlin none of his friends noticed it. The bloody irony of Sirius' words made his heart pick up speed and he felt a faint flush of color rising in his cheeks. It was fucking hard being Remus Lupin, and no, it had nothing to the with the fact he was a teenage werewolf, that he suffered an excruciating pain every month and that he had no future ahead of him like all the normal kids did. It also had nothing to do with the fact he was, wait for it - a bisexual werewolf (like things haven't been bloody complicating already). Sure, his friends knew everything about that and loved him and supported him nonetheless, but it was a darn messy life. It was a life of constant prejudice, constant fear, constant awareness, constant pain and constant heartache.

Remus often wondered was he actually a joke of the universe. A joke of someone up there who thought that making Remus Lupin's life a living hell was fucking hilarious. _Oh look at that poor werewolfy boy, people just don't hate him enough…let's make him cheer for both teams, it'll be ridiculous to see how he handles that. Oh, but wait, let's make him fall in love with his best friend too, a best friend who is straight as a ruler and happens to be the biggest playboy in the entire school. Wohoooo! _

And that was the main reason why it had been so hard being Remus Lupin for the past 3 years. It was hard spending a whole day with someone without being able to tell him how you feel, it was hard talking to him when all you wanted was snog him senseless, it was hard sitting next to him and not be able to touch him, it was hard imagining, thinking, watching, hoping, _breathing_ Sirus Black. Fucking gorgeous Sirius Black with his smooth raven-black hair and his fathomless grey eyes, his sweet lips and his toned body. It was bloody excruciating playing this pretend-game, convincing himself to care just in a friendly way, and it was god damn painful living this life of heart-breaking agony.

This was why Sirius' suggestion bit his heart like a ravaged dog (again with the irony eh?). First of all, the insensitive idiot wanted to hop in a sack with yet another girl. Ok, nothing unusual there, he was after all, an infamous Hogwarts Casanova but no matter how hard Remus tried every single one of Sirius' love escapades left the young werewolf feeling like crap. A feeling he had grown used to during all these years of his unfortunate infatuation. But this time, fool of a Sirius Black wanted his assistance in the whole disgusting thing. He wanted Remus to entertain whats-her-name's friend while Sirius and the said girl were…well, he didn't want to go there.

"Save your breath, Padfoot. I'm not going to do it. Last time you dragged Wormtail with you on the double date and he ended up being poisoned. Spent the next three days in the loo hugging the toilet." Remus answered finally finding his casual voice and chasing away the hot sensation in his cheeks.

"Oh yeeah, I remember. It was that McGregor chick wasn't it? She thought Wormy was a dull little bugger and slipped him mandrake seeds in the drink. Interesting way of ending a boring date, don't you think?" James laughed clapping Peter lightly on the shoulders.

"Very funny, Prongs. And our dear caring friend over there," Peter started shooting a murderous glare in Sirius' direction "…was too busy shagging in the bathroom, too busy to help me!"

"Hey, you should have screamed louder." Sirius defended running a hand through his hair which made Remus cross his legs as subtly as he could in an attempt not to show how much exactly his body appreciated this innocent little habit. Nothing coming from Sirius Black was innocent though. Not in Remus' mind at least. Oh, no, Remus' mind was dirty, dirty and not so safe place to be when he was around Sirius. The lycanthrope shook his head trying to concentrate on Sirius' words. Words that came from that soft mouth of his, a mouth that Remus wanted to touch, to kiss, to…

"….besides Moony is not that daft to ask a girl does she _'like to knit'_. Seriously Pete, haven't you learned anything by watching James and me, huh?" Remus' ears once again enjoyed the melodic sound of his favourite baritone though this time he actually focused on the meaning of the spoken words.

"Being modest again aren't we?" he teased. "Don't listen to them Pete, they think they're god's gift to women but I'm willing to bet Devil had to do something with making these two."

James made a short, amused noise in the back of his throat then nodded enthusiastically. "That'd explain why the Bones sisters called me devious the other day."

"I think they said tedious, mate." Sirius corrected, ducking down as another pillow missed him by a couple of inches. "Also you have a really lousy aim, I wonder why McGonagal keeps you on the quddich team." James' protest came in the form of pretty eloquent words that would undoubtedly make any respective mother out there cover the ears of her children in an attempt to protect their innocent little minds.

"Oh, it's a mystery." Remus smiled innocently stealing another glance at the dark-eyed boy. Sirius did an excellent job of ignoring his loud friend and turned his attention to the young werewolf again. "Come on, Moony. Be a friend. Do it for me, pleaseeeee." He made his best puppy-eye face which could melt the heart of an ice queen, and Remus was far from that. The boy could feel his legs turning to jelly but then he reminded himself that helping Sirius would just make his misery even worse. And not to mention this sick jealously he felt. And it was god damn hard keeping his wolf at bay when it was jealous, or turned on, or pretty much every fucking thing Sirius made him feel.

"No." he said firmly. "I won't do it." Sirius shot him a hurtful look and Remus suddenly found his insistence faltering. Why did this boy have such an effect on him that his own heart decided to ally itself with his body and turn against his common sense. This wasn't supposed to be happening, not to him. Merlin, not to him and not with Sirius. Why was it this bloody hard to say no to him? "Screw you, Padfoot." He finally muttered. "Fine. Fine I'll do it." Sirius jumped happily and clapped Remus lightly on the shoulder. "Yes! Thank you Moony, I owe you one!"

It took a few moments for Remus to regain his composure, to stop feeling that burning sensation Sirius' hand had left on his shoulders. The wolf inside him growled and pulled hard on his chains. It wanted more, it wanted to touch, to taste, to feel, to smell more. Just more. But that small conscious part of Remus' mind, a part that wasn't blinded by the affection told him off, told him no, told him to sit down. Finally, a weak smile crept up Remus' features. "You owe me more than that, Sirius." He sighed ignoring the curious look James threw in his direction. "So, when is this date happening?"

"Next Saturday." James replied before Sirius. "But beware, Moony my mate. The wanker didn't tell you who Helen's friend is." He snickered all too deviously for Remus to appreciate it. "Tell him, Pads. Tell him!"

Sirius shifted uncomfortably in his seat before he shot James an annoyed glare. "Oh, bugger off Prongs." The raven-haired boy opened his mouth to say something, but closed them quickly obviously not finding suitable words. Remus knew him far too well to know that this kind of behavior, this a-fish-caught-on-dry-land kind meant that Sirius tried to say something bad as delicately as he could. Which usually didn't succeed, seeing as he was as delicate as an elephant in the porcelain shop. Oh, Remus knew something unpleasant was about to escape his friend's lips. "Erm, well, it's…it's Pricilla. Not much of a looker, yes, but, but…she has a good personality I'm sure." And Remus was right. Pricilla Higginson was a 6th year Hufflepuff girl though to call her a girl was to twist the word to encompass such a being. She looked like a mixture of a hippogriff and a cave troll as James had said on one occasion, and she smelled like cabbage and cats as Remus' keen sense of smell could easily confirm as true. But before he could answer Sirius continued to talk. "But Moony, hey, I can ask Helen to bring a bloke, er a guy friend instead, if that works better for you. Erm, I'm not sure who do you fancy more at the moment." Remus' eyes darkened a bit at this remark which James mistook as a reaction to a date choice and laughed whole-heartedly.

"Smooth." James commented which earned him one pretty rude gesture from Sirius accompanied by the word _'Git._ Remus though noticed that Sirius wasn't looking at James but at him with a combination of worry and care visible in his eyes. Oh, Remus knew this look well – it was are-you-ok-moony kind of a look. A kind that made his stomach tie itself into a knot, the way it always did when Sirius watched him like that or got too close to him or touched him in oh-so-frustratingly-friendly manner.

Not that the look wasn't justified and out of place. Remus didn't appreciate the fact James and Sirius often joked with his sexuality, yes he knew it was all well-intentioned but sometimes they just didn't get it. They didn't get that he could not just look at the girl or the boy and say well-I-decided-to-like-boobs-today-and-cocks-tomorrow or that he couldn't just choose to, oh I don't know, like blokes on Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays and birds on Tuesdays and Thursdays and Sundays. And he definitely couldn't and didn't choose to fall in love with his best friend. It wasn't his choice, it was fate to blame really, not Remus. It just didn't work that way. "Look, I don't work like a remote control, Sirius." He frowned not looking at him.

"_Promote troll_? What's that?" Wormtail asked curiously. Remus rolled his eyes. It was really infuriating sometimes how little his friends knew about muggle world. Not that he currently had any wish, or intention to explain them how did muggle technology work and what actually "the promote troll" was. With his luck it would only make James and Sirius decide to experiment with electricity. And that was a scary thought.

"Never mind. I'm just not programmed to like girls at one moment and boys in the next. It's not something I plan ok? I can't command my feelings." Sirius was obviously relieved that Remus' voice didn't hold any sign of anger and he gave a small understanding smile. You know those drop dead-gorgeous-heart stopping smiles? Yeah, that kind. "Sorry, Moons, didn't mean it like that. Do..do you want -"

Remus shook his head interrupting him. He was too hopelessly in love with Sirius Black to deny him anything. Even if the boy asked him to jump from a bloody tower he was convinced he would do it in a heartbeat. And that thought was even scarier than the one including James, Sirius and electricity. "It's ok. Pricilla is a nice girl actually, I patrolled with her a few times. I'll do it for you, you twit." He surrendered with a smile. "And it's not very fair from you to judge a person based just on their looks."

"What about smells?" James asked innocently making Sirius and Peter laugh.

Remus had long ago given up the effort of trying to get a prospect of 'good manners' in their thick heads. Any further comment, he knew, would be a wasted effort and so he joined his friends, bursting into laughter. "Then she would be condemned to a life-time in Askaban. Ughhh." Sirius shivered slightly before smiling to Remus. Just for him, especially for him, Remus caught himself wishing. "Alright then, it's settled. Thanks so much mate. I'll think of you when I make Helen scream."

"Argh, that's disgusting, Sirius." Wormtail squeaked making all four of them laugh again.

Disgusting? Remus cared to object. It was slightly different in his fantasies though. In his fantasies it was Remus who made Sirius scream, and moan, and cry in pleasure. It was him who was the reason for Sirius' joy…him and not some girl. Remus blinked. He should probably stop looking at Sirius now, he should stop tracing the line of his jaw with his eyes, watching his lips move as he laughed, watching, staring….Remus bit his lip and cursed himself. He was mad for doing this, mad for imagining Sirius, mad for even thinking he would ever scream Remus' name, mad for thinking he could control this, mad, mad…just mad about Sirius Fucking Black.


	2. Double Trouble

CHAPTER II

Double Trouble

(or how to put a Jelly-brain jinx to good(?) use)

A week had passed too quickly for Remus' liking. With an exception of Sirius' enchanted jumping suit of armor incident (which resulted in two broken Slytherin noses, much to Madam Pomfrey's displeasure) and a consequential deduction of 30 House Points from Gryffindor (which resulted in two days of putting up with a very pissed off surely-the-old-bat-is-overreacting Sirius, much to James' displeasure) it had been a pretty uneventful week mainly spent 'enjoying' the boredom of classes and studying in the library (sufficiently far from a certain grey-eyed Gryffindor thank you very much, couldn't concentrate with him around after all). But - seven days, forty-five stolen glances, sixteen Sirius'-hand-through-the-hair-habit moments, seven friendly claps on the shoulder, and one totally innocent (whyyy, oh why?!) hug later, _not_ that he was counting, Remus found himself facing the dreadful Saturday.

The lycanthrope sighed, putting his History Of Magic book away and rubbing a hand over his weary face. The brilliant plan for finishing his essay for professor Binns today was, clearly, in a dumpster. Remus had been staring at a bloody paragraph about the Goblin Rebellion of 1612 for the past two hours, trying to concentrate but only really thinking about how amazingly screwed he was. In just a few hours he was going to have to sit across Sirius and watch him as he triesd to get into whats-her-name's knickers, all the while pretending to enjoy the company of a bloody Pricilla Higgins. Ok, no, he was being an insensitive asshole now. Pricilla was a nice girl, and _Sirius_ was an asshole for making him think such thoughts. Yeah, that's it. Just that it wasn't true…well the second part at least. Sirius and asshole just didn't belong in a same sentence. Never.

Suddenly a cheerful voice broke through his depressing thoughts and Remus recoiled slightly before lifting his gaze from the book in order to match a voice with its owner. Lily Evans sat in an empty chair next to his, depositing her books across the table and smiling friendly at Remus. "Penny for your thoughts, silly." Remus blinked, only now realizing that his not-so-subtle overindulgence in self-pity and miles-away-from-the-library stare weren't exactly too hard for Lily to 'crack'. Hell, even an idiot could easily tell that Remus hadn't been thinking about anything that barely resembled school work. "Hey Lils! Umm…nothing special really, just stuff…nothing that would interest you anyway." He smiled gently to his friend.

Lily and Remus were very close, not the Marauders close but she was his best female friend and a fellow Prefect. Over the years of patrolling and studying together the two became pretty accustomed to each other's company and they got along amazingly well (especially after Lily and James had become a serious, loving couple or aww-they-are-so-cute-i-could-just-puke-rainbows kind of a couple as Sirius liked to put it). Be that as it may, Lily was like a refreshing addition to their little marauder group and Remus was often thankful for having a female perspective (or a mature perspective at that matter) on whatever issue he decided to share with her. And he had shared a whole lot of his secrets and problems with her. Lily knew everything about Remus being a werewolf and she knew everything about his love preferences and didn't seem to mind in the slightest. She also knew everything about their jolly little pack of animaguses running around the school grounds on the nights of a full moon. But one thing though she didn't know. One _seriously seriou_s thing Remus hadn't told anyone. "Pfff." Lily snorted. "One day you'll tell me all about your special someone who I bet is now on your mind. I read you all too well Remus darlin'." She smiled mysteriously. "And I know you're just not yet ready to tell me, but you'll be."

Remus frowned not really answering. He knew he would rather _die_ than tell anyone about this unfortunate infatuation of his. Which he probably _will_ soon, very soon for it was all becoming all too difficult to bear. "Finished your Goblin Rebellion essay?" he asked in a desperate attempt to change the subject. The red-head shook her head smiling sadly. "Not even close. I'm having trouble understanding Braddock The Second. I mean, why would anyone start a rebellion over something as ridiculous as a bad case of hiccups during a funeral?" Remus laughed quietly nodding his head. That was a fair point, goblins apparently were easily offended creatures and the various reasons behind a countless number of rebellions throughout history had often showed to be rather ridiculous.

"I mean, who starts a needless bloodshed because of a silly hiccup? It's not that _serious_ right?" The way Lily stressed the word made Remus twitch slightly and he mumbled 'mhm' suddenly expressing a great interest in a small spider crawling over the table. Not appreciating the word-play the werewolf cursed himself for thinking about Sirius again, all because of a stupid little adjective. But that was so typically Siriusy wasn't it? Making everything difficult? Even something as silly as a name! Why couldn't he just be John? Or Math? Or Marcus? Or bloody Rumpelstiltskin? But noooo, Sirius wouldn't be Sirius if he didn't make things as complicating as possible. Suddenly his thoughts got side-tracked as another word of Lily's little speech made him blink. "Gotta appreciate dark humour in that though…Do you like _black_ humour, Remus?" Remus lifted his head instinctively and looked up at Lily who had a rather _scary_, incomprehensible expression on her face. Was she doing this on purpose? No, she couldn't have, she didn't know. It must have been a coincidence_ right_? Two coincidences? Remus' mind tried to look at the things logically but his gut told him that Lily happened to be an amazingly bright, insightful and intuitive little bran and that coincidences just didn't go with Lily Evans. "L- Lily?" he muttered with an adorably lost expression on his face. But before she could answer their conversation got interrupted as Peter barged in the library accompanied by a crazy, disapproving glare and a 'tsk-tsk' from Madam Pince.

"Ah, Moony, there you are, I was looking for you everywhere! "The mousy boy breathed a great sigh of relief approaching their table. He greeted Lily before turning his attention to Remus again. "Sirius sent me to look for you. He says you two should go over some details before the date." It was sad how little those two big-headed idiots known as Padfoot and Prongs appreciated the chubby boy. Sure, they loved Peter dearly, there was no question there, and if anyone so much as looked at him the way they didn't like a whole lot of hexing would be going on and the one in their disfavor would soon be sent to the hospital wing. But when the two mischievous terrors needed an ego boost, or someone to fetch something, or to stand watch or just to pick on when it was a particularly boring day James and Sirius used Wormtail. And the daft boy found it impossible to refuse anything to his darlin' Prongs. Just like Remus when Sirius wanted something, he thought bitterly. There was one huge difference though – Peter merely worshiped James, in no romantic sense what so ever, just because James Potter was a god, an idol in the chubby boy's eyes…and Sirius…well he was more of a one-in-a-life-time-tragic-love to Remus. _Pitiful_, but true.

Still, when it came to Peter, the young werewolf didn't approve of this kind of treatment and this was why he frowned now. "Thank you Pete." He smiled warmly at his friend before changing his tone. "You shouldn't have listened to him, though. If he needed me he should have looked for me himself, that lazy mutt." _Needed me_, repeated his heart skipping a beat, totally ignoring the harsh tone of Remus' voice. "Alright then, sorry Lils, gotta go. A date awaits." He laughed hollowly, conveying his displeasure with an eye roll. "Let's go, Pete." Remus gathered his things and waved Lily goodbye.

"See you later, Remus and good luck! A date will help you, I'm sure, you look _dog-tired_ lately!" Lily winked all too sneakily for Remus to dismiss it as a coincidence. He should discuss this later with her, the lycanthrope thought as he made his way to the Gryffindor tower listening to Peter babbling about…about what did he talk really? Remus nodded not having the faintest idea.

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After climbing through the portrait hole and into the boys dormitory, Remus found himself staring at one of those breathtaking scenes that just made a life worth living. James was rummaging through his trunk, throwing clothes all around (no, that was not the breathtaking part…well maybe it would be to the house elves, they seemed disturbingly thrilled when they had something to clean up and James had made quite a treat for them) but no, what was breathtaking was a shirtless Sirius and his toned torso. The young werewolf stopped in his tracks, unable to move, and just stared at him in half a trance, taking in the pale ivory skin that simply radiated _nobility_ off of Sirius, the kind of a look that could only be gained growing up in The Most Ancient and Noble House Of Black. Then his eyes traced Sirius' perfect stomach muscles, which Remus knew Sirius had developed thanks to the countless years of training Qudditch and just when the lycanthrope thought he would drown in all the Siriusness in the room James growled in such volume that made Peter let out a girly squeak.

"Here you are, ya fuckin' wanker!" He said throwing a black shirt not so gently at Sirius who caught it before it hit him in the face. "I swear, you're like a damn chick with all that grooming and combing and cleaning and dressing and prepping before the date. God, Padfoot, you're such a pain in the ass sometimes. "

Sirius smirked mischievously before putting on the shirt (much to Remus' displeasure) "Jealous much, Potthead?" he teased not looking even remotely disturbed by James' provocations. "Oh you're dying to be me, to be in such high demand with women, admit it." In one quick jump, Sirius hopped on Remus' bed and raised his hand towards the ceiling, clearing his throat.

_"O beware of jealousy!_

_It is the green-eyed monster_

_That doth mock the meat it feeds upon."_

"Bloody sissy." James replied before he surrendered with a smile that slowly transformed itself into a hysterical laughter and Wormtail joined him. Remus had watched absently his friend participating in amateur dramatics, his body still recovering from a very vivid image of Sirius without his shirt that just lingered there, in his mind._ Screw it_, why was this affecting him so much? Every god damn time! Remus shook his head trying to get rid of these thoughts before they went down that familiar not-so-appropriate road.

Perhaps it was too late for that though.

From the corner of his eye, Remus caught a glimpse of a rather amused expression on James' face clearly directed to Remus. Was he being that obvious?! _Careless, stupid idiot, what the hell is wrong with you_ - Remus mentally chastised himself. Swallowing hard, the lycanthrope tried to dismiss James' look as irrelevant, for sure it must have been, but failing sadly as he realized that the look wasn't going away…quite the contrary it got even more piercing when Sirius jumped off the bed and put his arm casually around Remus' shoulders. _Oh, god, why?_

"Moonsie, just a wolf I was looking for!" He exclaimed happily while Remus fought his fanatical heart-beat.

"I'll say it mate, you've just made Shakespeare roll over in his grave." Remus forced himself to laugh. _Ok, keep calm, Remus. You can do it. No one knows, no one sees. Certainly not someone as childish as James._

"Why thank you! Look, we have to discuss something." Sirius leaned closer to Remus' ear in a rather conspiratory manner, as if he wanted to share some big secret with his friend. The hot breath tingled Remus' ear and every cell in his body screamed at him to just cut the crap, to just stop this insane torture already and snog the hell out of the boy. Right now! RIGHT. NOW. It took every inch of Remus' resolve to keep his body still and his mind blank as he stared determinately at the wall, burning holes in it with his gaze refusing to surrender himself to this agonizing lust and love that frantically coursed through his body. "Actually, there's nothing to discuss, it's quite simple really. We should find a safe-word…sort of." Remus blinked at him now, not quite understanding where the boy was going. But that was okay, he was happy to stay like this, with Sirius' arm around him for whole eternity.

"In case you require Moony to save your sorry ass once Helen decides to bite your head off for being a pushy little bugger. Am I close?" James snickered sitting on his bed finally losing that expression Remus found quite disturbing. Sirius ignored him and once again brushed Remus' ear with his breath while he talked.

It was unbelievably hard to concentrate on Sirius' words with all that noise coming from spectacular fireworks shooting throughout his body. "It's not exactly a safe word _per-se_. Erm…it's more like this - when I slip the word somewhere into the conversation tonight that will be your sign to skedaddle taking that over-sized flobberworm..erm I mean Pricilla with you. Got it? It'll mean that I'm about to score and that I need some privacy for the finishing touches. Okay, Moons?"

_Not okay, _Remus thought desperately but nodded instead. Sirius clapped his hands happily and Remus' shoulders suddenly felt cold without Sirius' arm around them. "So, what's the word?" he asked before his thoughts wandered off again.

"Filch's little munchkin?" offered James.

"That's actually three words, Prongs." Wormtail noticed.

"You don't tell." James rolled his eyes. "Ok, how about bonehead? Wanker? Numskull? Wuss?"

"Stop describing yourself Prongsie." Sirius snickered ignoring an annoyed look from his friend. "It'll be '_moon_'." He replied simply looking at Remus.

"How _convenient_." Remus sighed dryly rolling his eyes.

"What? I happen to like the word." Sirius defended. "Now go get ready, we should be going soon." And with those words Sirius left the dormitory leaving behind a discontent Remus and a pile of t-shirts from which he had to find something to wear. After a few moments of contemplating the werewolf opted for a casual dark-blue shirt which he knew Sirius liked. Hadn't he said _Don't you just look dashing in that, Moony _on one occasion? Sure, Remus was currently being ridiculous, he knew that…he also knew that Sirius had only been joking then but still…people do silly things when they're in love don't they?

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"…and then I was like 'oh no, you didn't just do that'. I mean, how embarrassing is that, right?" Helen made an over-exaggerated eye-roll…if a thing like that even existed. Remus didn't know. He just knew that the girl, for all her astonishing, miss-Universe-like beauty was a real pain in the neck and that her every move and every word were just….fake and appallingly over-exaggerated. But it seemed Sirius didn't mind that at all. He laughed at Helen's words nodding his head as if confirming her point (Remus though knew that the story about Helen's now ex- friend who had made a dreadful mistake of wearing the same dress as hers, didn't interest his friend whatsoever). Oh no, Sirius' hand on the beautiful Hufflepuff's leg, now terribly close to her thigh, was the thing that interested him. Remus was willing to bet his head on that one.

"Yeah…_scandalous_. I would just…_die_." Pricilla agreed with just a hint of irony in her words which made the corners of Remus' mouth quirk upwards in amusement. Pricilla was indeed a nice girl (would have been be even nicer if he had remembered to put his nose under a smell-protective charm though) and a good talk as the young werewolf had come to realize over the past two hours which the four of them had spent in The Three Broomsticks. Actually which Remus and Pricilla had spent talking and Sirius and Helen exchanging saliva. Disgusting. Infuriating.

_Excruciating._

Helen giggled and bit Sirius' lip playfully which made Remus almost choke in an attempt to empty his drink in one giant sip. "Whoa, easy there, mate. I don't want casualties on this date." Sirius joked not really looking at his friend but rather concentrating on kissing Helen's neck cheekily. Remus didn't answer feeling all too disgusted by this public display of affection and all too jealous to even try to retort. How could Sirius be so…so..so blinded by the looks of this girl to the point where he didn't even realize she had a brain of an amoeba? Ok, not true, he knew Sirius did realize this but didn't mind it one bit…as long as he got what he wanted. And as far as Remus could tell he was awfully close to getting it.

A wolf inside him let out a blood curdling scream of jealousy Remus so painfully felt building up inside him. He caught himself wishing he could just tear the stupid girl to shreds and have his way with the raven-haired boy. _What am I thinking? _The Gryffindor prefect cursed himself in horror, color draining from his cheeks. What was he thinking when he agreed to do this madness? This _could_ not, _would_ not end up well, he thought frantically.

"Remus, are you ok? You look a bit green." Pricilla asked quietly shooting him a worried look. Remus managed to nod before Sirius' words interrupted him. "It's a nice, clear day isn't it? We should be able to see the _moon _clearly tonight. Isn't that right, Remus?"

"What…? Y-yes…" A strong shot of jealousy shook his body as he realized what was going on. Watching Sirius' head buried in Helen's neck, watching her giggle, watching Sirius' hand slowly moving up, up, up…And that was it! Too much! That was more than the miserably-head-over-heels-in-love boy and his wolf could handle and before he even gave his brain a chance to rationalize things, Remus sneakily pulled out his wand under the table. He made sure no one was watching and, in one quick move, non-verbally cast a first harmless (sort of) thing that crossed his blinded mind. A jelly-brain jinx. _Way to go Remus! And you call yourself a tolerant one._

_Now what?_

Sirius stopped in his attempts to bloody _eat_ Helen's neck and lifted his head with a terribly dumb expression on his face, looking about as sharp as a marble. The raven-haired boy opened his mouth to say something but only a bunch of incomprehensible, unintelligible words and syllables came out.

"What the hell.." Helen jerked back with a baffled expression on her beautiful face. "What's going on, Sirius?"

And then few things happened all too quickly. Helen narrowed her eyes swearing, Pricilla let out a small chuckle and Sirius shook his head, reminding Remus terribly of a wet dog trying to dry off, before he cleared his throat "Helen, you're unbelievably hot…" Remus raised an eyebrow as Sirius spoke. _It didn't work? How come it didn't work?_ "…but when you laugh, god…you look like a possum shittin' peach seeds. Haha, that's funny." He chuckled.

Helen blinked in shock. Remus too. Ok, not exactly the way he had thought it would work. Obviously people reacted differently to jinxes that messed with brain functions. And Sirius had to be special, of course, he could not just babble a pile of rubbish like any other normal person under a jelly-brain jinx would do. Although what he had said was close enough, it made an effect that Remus wanted. Helen shrieked murderously, jumping up and complementing Sirius with colorful range of obscenities. Not that the boy felt even remotely offended by her words judging by his jolly expression.

"You know what else is funny?" he continued not paying attention to his date. "Haha I heard this one from Wormy the other day. If I gave you a penny for your thoughts, I'd get change back. Get it? Change back because you're…ahah do you get it Moony?" Sirius laughed glancing stupidly at Remus, who now felt a strong wave of guilt washing over him. Maybe he shouldn't have done this.

He _definitely_ shouldn't have done that.

"That's it, you arrogant, rude, insensitive moron. Fuck you, Black! Just fuck you!" Helen yelled angrily and slapped him hard in the face. Once. Twice. _Three_ times! Remus became suddenly aware of the curious looks they were getting and he sank lower into his seat, wishing he could just be invisible. Feeling he would give everything in the world for James' invisibility cloak. And just a tiny little amount of common sense that he so obviously lacked of.

_Moron, idiot. Total imbecile. What have I done? _ He thought watching Helen storming off and dragging a pretty shocked Pricilla with her.

_This is not good._ _Merlin, this is not good._ _Damn you Sirius for making me do such things, for feeling this way!_ He thought watching Pricilla waving goodbye to him .

_You're ruining me, Padfoot. Like a poison._ He thought watching Sirius rubbing his cheek.

_A sweet, deadly poison. _He thought watching his own hands shake.

"Hey, Rem?" Sirius' voice broke through his panicking thoughts. "My legs are all wobbly…like jelly." He mumbled happily, one not-the-brightest-bulb-in-the-chandalier kind of a smile creeping up his face. "Jelly's good."

Well this was Remus' mess, and Remus' mess alone, and he was going to have to clean it now. The quiet boy apologized to the landlady who was staring at the two of them in a pretty hostile manner, and stood up, walking around the table to where Sirius was sitting…well, trying to do so at least, looking all too adorably awkward while he tried to talk some sense into the limbs that disobeyed his brain's orders.

Remus helped his friend stand up from his seat, feeling horrified now. How could he have done this to Sirius? For Merlin's sake, he hexed his best friend, he had actually shot a hex at his friend, ruined his date and possibly every chance of getting all 'wooo-hooo' with Helen ever. And for what? For _nothing_! Because that was the only thing he could ever have with Sirius, and he needed to get that straight into his thick head already. Because of one god damned moment of weakness. Remus realized he had severely underestimated the strength of his wolf, of his wolf's crazy jealousy and even crazier desire for Sirius.

"Moony…I see stars…Is that normal for autumn?" Sirius' voice snapped him from his thoughts once again. He was standing now, Remus' hand around his waist and his hand over Remus's shoulder for support. The lycanthrope was painfully aware of all the glorious sensations where their bodies touched and he swallowed hard, forcing himself to smile at his friend. "Yes, Sirius, it's perfectly normal." He reassured him. Not so much during the day and not so much in the middle of a coffee shop but hey. Like casting a Jelly-brain jinx on a friend could be deemed normal! Sirius considered his words for a moment with the-lights-are-on-but-no-ones-home kind of a look before he nodded. "And I'm wearing my lucky boxers. Ah, something's terribly wrong here." He concluded allowing Remus to gently push him through the door and into the cold air outside.

"Come on, Pads, let's go home…" he said once they were out. Sirius was heavy and Remus' legs weren't the steadiest in the world. Not now anyway, not few days after the full moon and certainly not with Sirius so excruciatingly close. There were days, days near the full moon, when the wolf took over completely and then Remus felt like he could crush down the whole bloody solidbrick wall with the raw strength if he wanted to, but then again there were days when he was too weak to even breathe. Days when his friends helped him with everything, when _Sirius_ hovered over him like a mother-hen. Nothing made Remus as powerful and as fragile, as strong and as weak at the same time like his furry little problem. Well, maybe his other not so furry but more drop-dead gorgeous little problem. That was now comically trying to lick its nostrils. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Sirius…" Remus muttered quietly looking at the ground, unable to meet Sirius' eyes.

"Sorry-shmorry." Sirius laughed in response, losing his step but luckily, Remus reacted before he fell down. He tightened his grip around his friend's waste. "Sorry, rorry, worry, ari, bari, chary, gari, hari, ferrari…haha _strawberry_." The young Black sang happily as they walked towards the castle. And then he suddenly stopped, a quizzical look on his face. "Geez, I hate strawberries Rem." he mumbled with an adorable expression of a child-like horror on his face. You know, that look kids have when their mothers tell them that boogeyman will eat them unless they clean their rooms. Remus felt a sudden urge to just hug Sirius and kiss him gently on the forehead and chase away all of his fears. "I know. You're allergic." he sighed instead.

"Allergic? Hey, stay off the swear-words. So not like you." Sirius frowned, pointing a finger of blame at him.

"Oh, Sirius." Remus smiled sadly. This was his fault. All of this. What kind of friend was he?

"Nope, it's funny not serious." The raven haired boy begged to differ. But before Remus could answer Sirius suddenly shook off Remus' hands and landed enthusiastically on his knees concentrating on one plastic yellow flower that probably used to be a part of some toy and now merely represented a piece of garbage on the road. To everyone except Sirius, apparently. "Hey look, a dandelion!"

"Really, _Black_?" Remus couldn't help but chuckle. "Flowers?"

The young Black merely grinned in response. "What, werewolves don't like flowers? You're like these macho wolfy guys with all that mouthful of teeth and all that 'grrr' stuff. Grr…" Some other time Remus would probably find this funny but they were outside now, in the open, where people could hear them easily.

"Sirius!" he hissed, wide-eyed "Shut up, someone will hear you!"

Of course nothing of that got through Sirius' jelly-brain head. "Relax mate, always so tense. Werewolv…" _God damn it, Sirius_! Desperate time called for desperate measures. Before Remus could think twice he pushed his friend and Sirius slammed his back hard against the cold ground. The force of the push made Remus himself lose his balance and fall right on top of Sirius who was now laughing hysterically.

"Shut up!" The lycanthrope managed to shout before realizing how close they were. Remus' voice suddenly got lost somewhere in the back of his throat and his heart sank all the way down to his toes and then jumped right back to his chest again. The scent of Sirius drove him crazy and the wolf inside him howled insanely. Remus' witty, clever, prefect mind was now reduced to nothing more than a storage for a bunch of incoherent and useless thoughts. If he could only Obliviate himself back to his usual nerdy self and forget all about this…this feeling of Sirius' body against his, this feeling of Sirius' heart beating against his own, this excruciatingly small distance between their faces, this feeling of Sirius' breath on his neck…Wait, _what_?! Remus tensed up in horror when he realized Sirius was what…_smelling_ him!? The tip of Sirius' nose was merely touching his neck but Remus was sure his very skin burned like a wildfire under Sirius' hot breath.

"You smell like forest, Moons." Sirius whispered against his skin. "And pines. And rain." Sirius timidly tugged on Remus' shirt collar pulling him slightly closer.

"S-sirus d-don't…What a-are you doing?" Remus breathed out not really knowing what to say, what to do, not even sure was he dreaming or was this actually happening. His voice was hard and shaky and his head felt like spinning as he found himself madly, deeply intoxicated by the scent of Sirius and his closeness. All he could think of now and all he wanted now was to snog the boy breathless but he couldn't just do that could he? The Gryffindor severely struggled to keep a cool mind, to keep his wolf still but found himself failing miserably. Sirius' head was still somewhere n the crook of his neck.

"Familiar and _exhilarating_…at the same time." Sirius' mumbled in a strange tone. "Funny eh?" Remus could feel him smiling against his neck. But before he could answer (not that he had anything intelligent to say to be honest) Sirius lifted his head slightly so that they were eye-to-eye now. The stunning grey eyes were looking at him strangely, with some sort of indecision and confusion and something...something else, not quite familiar to Remus. If the young werewolf didn't know better he would say that this was just that precious moment before…well before you know what. But he knew better and he knew that cannot be happening...no matter how much he wanted it. _Right?_

"Moony..."

"Y-es, Padfoot?" An eon later Remus muttered with a voice barely above a whisper, unconsciously leaning forward like compelled by some invisible yet surprisingly strong force. Closer…and closer…and _closer_.

And...

"I'm going to puke now." Sirius simply stated, pushing Remus off of him as he clumsily managed to get up on his knees before he retched, throwing up the contents of his stomach. "_Lovely_." he commented, briefly examining the mess that used to be his lunch.

It was only a few moments, only an eternity later, that Remus managed to still his raging heart, to throw his wolf back into its cage and push away that mixture of insane hope and heart-breaking disappointment to the back of his mind and stand up to help his friend...

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Thirty minutes and a whole lot of babbling later (thanks to which Remus had found that Sirius loved grass-flavored Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans, white socks and post-its, thought Gobstones were interesting and found Prof. Miranda Livingstone hot despite her age), a whole lot of stumbling and puking later (give or take a heart-beat when Sirius got too close) the two Marauders had arrived safely to their destination. Just when they reached the Gryffindor Common room, Sirius decided that singing muggle children's songs was a perfect idea. After a rather ear-bleeding interpretation of _The Old McDonald had a farm_ Remus found himself utterly regretting the fact he had shown Sirius and James a muggle radio over the last year's summer holidays. What a huge mistake that turned out to be! Helping his friend (that was now singing _The New Moon_) up the stairs to the boys dormitory the young werewolf vaguely thought that he had finally found one thing about Sirius that wasn't sinfully perfect. The boy was _totally_ tone-deaf! Now that was something to think about the next time his thoughts happen to dwell on the flawlessness of Sirius Black.

"Just one more step, Pads." Remus encouraged, hauling him up the remaining stair, his hand still safely around Sirius' waist.

A pretty grandiose entrance (where Sirius knocked down a Gryffindor lion statue near the door) caused Peter and James to suddenly lose their interest in a chess game they had played and stare at the two of them curiously.

"_Oh, Mother, how pretty the moon looks tonight_..." Sirius hummed smiling goofy at his friends.

James let out an amused chuckle. "Is he drunk again?" he asked, obviously fighting back a laugh. At least he had a decency to look slightly worried and not totally entertained.

_Nope, he's not. You see, it's just that I hexed him because he was about to shag a girl. Why, you ask? Weeeeell, I suppose it has something do to with the fact I'm fucking in love with the idiot…and all that crap he does with girls drives me over the edge with jealousy. Oh, and yes, he likes grass-flavoured Bertie Bots Every Flavour Beens, feel free to tease him about that tomorrow. Maybe then he'll forget everything about how I almost kissed him not one hour ago! Merlin, help me!_ Remus couldn't tell that now could he? Hopefully, Sirius wouldn't remember any of that tomorrow. _Hopefully_._ Please, please, please_ god make him not remember. "Long story." - was all that left his lips instead. "Can we just talk tomorrow, help me get him to bed will you?" James nodded, crossing the room and putting Sirius' free hand over his shoulder. "Come here, you dickhead." For all his crude language, James was a caring friend and Remus watched with a small smile as he led Sirius to his bed and helped him get rid of his shirt (his _shirt_, Merlin!) and shoes carefully, almost in a motherly-gentle way.

"Did he score?" The squeaky Wormtail's voice broke through the silence.

"Nothin' Wormy. No scores for the team." Sirius yelled as James dropped him onto the bed. "There's no 'I' in team…Just can't remember what team? I play something, right? Something with three balls? Hhaha, three balls." He laughed. "_Three balls_, Jamesey?"

"Yeah Pads, three balls. Hilarious." James answered gently.

"Prongsie, comb your hair once in a while. You look like this Potter chap I know, annoying little bugger thinks he's cool but he's noooooot. Though he does have some pretty cool friends." Sirius lifted his hand grotesquely in an attempt to mess James' hair but only managing to punch his nose in the process. The boy cursed in pain and muttering '_Go to sleep, Sirius.'_ he stormed off to the bathroom to check his nose, without doubt.

Remus approached his friend's bed, feeling the guilt eating him inside. He sat next to Sirius, pulling a blanket over the young Black's body. "Moony? I want popcorns." Sirius shot him that goofy, yet one hundred percent brilliant smile. Damn it, how could someone be so _perfect_ even under a jelly-brain jinx? It just wasn't fair.

"Tomorrow, ok?" Remus whispered all too horrified of what tomorrow might bring.

"Promise?"

"Yeah, I promise." He sighed. "Sorry Padfoot." Remus repeated sincerely not really sure if Sirius heard him. He stood up and walked over to his own bed before he heard Sirius once again sing the chorus of his silly song. This time though his voice was tired and sleepy and Remus knew it would not be long before the one that he could only dream of having drifted off to his own certainly-no-Remus-there Dream land.

_"We'd call to the stars to get out of our way,_

_'Lest we should rock over their toes._

_And there we would stay 'til the dawn of the day_

_And see where the pretty moon goes."_

"Merlin help our ears!" Remus heard as James' shouted with an annoyed grunt from the bathroom. _Merlin help me indeed_. The lycanthrope thought sadly as the last words of Sirius' song slowly faded away. _Merlin help me get through this. I don't think I can hide this anymore, it's just too much. It's all too real, this love is all too real…" _It was. It was genuine and physical and emotional and passionate and devoted and real…just real like stones, or flowers or stars in the sky…and painful as the very hell with all its seven circles._  
_

_Either stop this whole bloody agony or just kill me this instant. I don't know how much more I can handle before I fall to pieces._

_Before I destroy myself._

_Before I destroy a friendship._

_Before I destroy everything._

_Before…just before..._

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**_Author's note: Well? Good? Bad? Awful? Please don't write anything ever again? Let me know what you think please? (:_**


	3. Little Black Lies

CHAPTER III

Little black lies

(or how to make a mess in order to clean a mess)

Everything around him was a pure rapture of colors. Scarlet and gold, indigo and azure, a color of obsidian flecked with silver. His senses, his sharp werewolf senses just intoxicated by the sweet, sweet mixture of scents; fresh grass, early winter morning, chocolate, honey, cinnamon, rain… And the feelings, _god_, such amazing overflow of insanely powerful, mind-blowing, thrilling feelings. And _Sirius_. _Sirius_ in all his god-like glory. _His_ fingers tracing the scars etched into the werewolf's trembling body, making the ebony skin come to life responding to _his_ touch and _his_ touch only. _His_ kisses burning holes in now sensitive skin, _his_tongue caressing the nape of the delirious boy's neck, his spectacular, grey eyes mirroring the same passion that drove the werewolf crazy for far too long. His…

"…stupid face just staring at her! God damn it, James, don't tell me to calm down! Someone hexed me! HEXED ME, POTTER! Did that get through your thick-ass head now or should I repeat it again for you? SOMEONE BLOODY HEXED ME!"

"Ok, I got that much." A sarcastic voice answered. "Now, Padfoot, would you just calm down so we can look at things rationally. Before you go off and murder someone."

Remus opened his eyes, now fully awake but still not daring to move. Harsh reality poked him hard in the eyes chasing away the sleep that had been there not a minute ago, and cruelly destroying the sweetness of the dream. He managed to stay calm for almost five whole seconds before his mind started panicking. _Holy crap! Holy crap! Holy crap!_

_Ok, let's see. Calmly and rationally, Remus, calmly and rationally. _The jelly brain jinx had obviously worn off, which was very good, and Sirius was obviously fuming, which was very bad.

_SMAAAAAASH, SHAAAAATER, CRASHHHHHH, KA-SHHHHHH. _And kicking things around the room just like he always did when he was furious.

"_Rationally_?! Are you fucking kidding with me?! Helen thinks I'm the scum of the earth which means my chances of ever getting into her lacy panties are about as good as Wormtail's chances of winning a Triwizard Tournament!" an angry baritone broke through the air straight into Remus' eardrums.

And he was obviously very aware of what had happened last night, which was…terrifying.

Remus could literary feel his heart skip a beat. _Twice_. Did Sirius remember the whole thing? Even that part where the two of them almost kissed? Because, let's be honest, that was what happened, they had really, truly _almost_ kissed! And it was both petrifying and amazing. And… _Merlins' saggy balls! Don't think about it, idiot! Don't!_

_Don't!_

Here we go again, stupid thoughts betraying him. If only it was possible to hex one's thoughts. Except that would involve putting his wand near his head and that was not exactly where he wanted it to be. _But…_the feeling of Sirius' body against his own and the animagus' exhilarating scent were still there, in the back of Remus' mind, just _vividly_ there. And not even a fuming, two feet away, very easily his-ex-friend-to-be could take that away from him. So, maybe it was time for Remus to start thinking positively for a change, to find his marbles, you know his happy thoughts. No matter what happens, he will always have that. That one_almost_ kiss. That was kind of comforting.

Just that it wasn't!

Merlin, it wasn't! The lycanthrope just couldn't bear the thought of losing Sirius as a friend because of a silly thing like this. These feelings he harbored were difficult, yes, but Remus had a pretty good idea of how exactly excruciating it would be if he had to deal with a loss of their friendship, with the lack of Sirius, with his hate and disgust. Disgust that he would surely feel if he ever found out. Remus just could not let that happen! The boy felt a sudden urge to strangle the person who made up that stupid 'morning is smarter than evening' saying. It was definitely not!

"Maybe Moony saw something?" Remus heard James' voice suggesting. After a short moment of silence a sound of hurried footsteps approached his bed. He closed his eyes just in time to fake suddenly-rudely-awaken moment when Sirius shook him hard.

"Get up, Remus! Did you see anything? Did you?" Sirius demanded to know. Remus slowly propped himself up on his elbows, his eyes locking with the grey ones belonging to the boy standing next to him. For a second there he tried to find a clear accusation, disgust, revulsion, hate in that eyes but he couldn't. There wasn't anything in them that even remotely suggested that the same problem that was on Remus' mind troubled Sirius. The lycanthrope opted to play stupid. No irony intended.

"Saw what? And good morning to you too, Sirius." He faked a yawn, going for the casual just-woke-up-have-no-idea-what-you're-talking-about look, well as much as he could pull it off. Not even stopping to exchange the courtesies with his friend, Sirius snorted, that irritated expression never leaving his face.

"As you're most certainly aware, I happened to be hexed last night!" _Sarcastic aren't we, Sirius?_ "Can't say I remember much, it's all rather blurry really, but I know a jelly-brain jinx when I see one. Actually, when I feel one, in this case!" Sirius continued furiously, clutching his hands into fists so hard he almost made his palms bleed. Remus caught himself hoping that a great relief he suddenly felt hadn't showed on his face. Sirius didn't remember much! Thank Merlin, god, heavens or whoever/whatever was up there! "You mean, you don't remember what happened?" he asked all too eagerly…luckily Sirius didn't notice it. That boy never really noticed anything.

"Not much. I bet it happened in The Three Broomsticks, last thing I remember clearly is kissing Helen's neck…" _Why don't you just bring me a knife, Sirius, and I'll save you the trouble and stab my heart myself_. "…after that everything's foggy. Oh, I remember singing something though…Anyway, did you see anything suspicious while we were there? Anyone who might not like me?" Sirius asked, his eyes sparkling dangerously. Oh Remus knew that look, that typical vengeful, don't-mess-with-me Black look. It run in the family apparently. And blood, after all, was thicker than water, he supposed. _So, someone who doesn't like you? Try that someone who loves you to death…_

"Not really. Sorry." Remus mumbled jumping out of his bed and faking a concerned look. This was good, this was great! Dodged a bullet there! "Perhaps it was an unintentional thing? You know, a deflected silly jinx, a joke or something?" It was not like it couldn't happen, right?

Of course, Sirius didn't buy it, not that Remus was surprised, the former Black had never been the one to believe in such thing as an unintentional hex, you know oooops-Crucioyourass-sorry kind of stuff. Sirius rolled his eyes, reaching the door of the boys dormitory in few giant steps. "Yeah right!" he barked. "God damn it, you two aren't helping at all! I'm going to find out who did it and I'm going to make them pay severely! You don't mess with Sirius Black when he is about to hit the jackpot, and get away with it!" he exhaled angrily, pushing James rather fiercely out of his way. "Move Potter!"

Remus just blinked, not feeling very intelligent at the moment. As Sirius stormed off, the lycanthrope couldn't help but exchange a puzzled look with James. This time, it was not fake. Perhaps a bit more scared than James' but not fake. What the hell did Sirius have in mind? And how was he going to find out anything? No one saw Remus casting the spell, he had made sure of it. Then why did he feel that troubling emotion nesting somewhere in his stomach? _Fear. _ Remus felt a huge weight of fear as he stood there, in the middle of a room, a pair of baggy, ripped pajamas all that was covering him from the whole wide world and its cruel games. This was not going to end up well, Remus realized. He needed help! He desperately needed help! He just couldn't do this alone anymore! Now enlightened by this sudden decision, the young werewolf quickly walked over to his trunk only to be interrupted by an annoyed James yelling after Sirius.

"Hey Sirius?" he called, before he cleared his throat. "And there we would staaaay 'til the dawn of the daaaay, and see where the pretty moon goeeeeees." James sang mockingly and rather loudly only to be punished by a shot of purple light coming from somewhere behind the door. Thanks to his quick chaser reflexes, James managed to dodge the jinx swiftly and the two Marauders watched as it crashed into the wall exploding like a bunch of purple fireworks. James grunted, shouting at Sirius through the door once again. Remus had to admire his vigor. "Really, _Black_? A Bat bogey hex? How _creative!_" His mockery though, once again got interrupted by another spell, one that James managed to deflect with his wand and that nearly ended up hitting Remus in the process. The boy ducked, and peered instinctively behind him where the spell burst into a pool of pink sludge, that looked like vomit and smelled like rotten eggs…and Filch. Or maybe Filch was the one that smelled like rotten eggs?

"James, I don't think this one was a Bat-boogey curse." Remus muttered, quickly grabbing the first thing he found in his trunk and getting dressed, before his friends had a chance of continuing their little war. James shortly examined the pink sludge with a mischievous grin on his face. "You're right! Blimey…That's actually a Sludgy curse. Level 7 spell…I had no idea the wanker knew that!" James' voice held a great amount of admiration. "Wouldn't have been nice if I got hit, though….Bloody brilliant!" he exclaimed enthusiastically not even remotely worried about his wellbeing in the case of another attack.

"Yeah," Remus said not currently interested in any kind of spell. "That's great. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have something I need to to. See you in the Great Hall! " He quickly said not sure whether James heard him. Probably not, seeing as he was now engrossed in examining the pool of pink sludge, poking it with his wand and admiring it the way people usually admired their new born baby. Not exactly a realistic thought. Remus could not imagine James having a baby….ever! James himself was a big baby.

Well, never mind that. Remus dismissed the fictional picture of James Junior from his head as he rushed down the stairs noticing that Sirius wasn't in the Common Room anymore. But he was not the Gryffindor Remus was currently looking for. No, this certain Gryffindor Remus had in mind happened to be less furious and more perceptive.

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Remus found her in the Prefect's Room, while she was trying to squeeze a whole pack of dungebombs into an already full box entitled 'Confiscated'. Lily Evans smiled widely when she saw her friend. "Oh hey Remus!" she greeted him looking one last time at the dungebombs before just throwing them on the pile next to the box. "First years." Lily rolled her eyes. "I'll never understand how they manage to get their hands on things like this." Remus knew. At least he assumed. It probably had something to do with a certain boy whose hair looked constantly wind-blown and another certain boy who happened to be the best friend of afore mentioned boy and happened to have a whole stash of dungebombs under his bed. _Simple stuff yet very effective_, Remus remembered what that certain boy had claimed quite a few times. "Yeah, who knows?" he said not really concentrated on Lily's words as he was frantically trying to find a way how to tell her everything. This, of course, didn't pass unnoticed by the red-head.

"Hey, are you ok, darlin'?" she asked suspiciously, moving closer to Remus. "Did you want something?"

"Um, yes…I…" Well, there was no an easy way to tell this secret that had worried him for so long. But he couldn't live this way anymore, Remus had to tell. And Lily was his best choice, she would understand, she wouldn't judge him…right? She could just help him realize he was being an idiot. A delusional idiot. "I…um…I…I…" _Some witty mouth you have, Remus. Who in the right mind chose you for a prefect?_

"What's wrong, Remus?" She asked now sounding worried. _Everything_. _Everything's wrong._ "Nothing…" he replied. Ok, that was a huge lie. And Lily knew it, she just raised her eyebrow portraying that un-spoken, sarcastic "oh really" all too well.

"Ok…that might not be the truth." Remus surrendered. "Lily…I…I have to tell you something."

Lily nodded, sitting at the small table next to the window and gesturing Remus to take an open seat across hers. He obeyed, and Lily shot him one sympathetic, understanding smile. Remus was slightly surprised she didn't conjure a cup of hot-cocoa and a box of tissues for him, and a paper block and pencil for her. You know like those muggle shrinks did (correction, muggle _shrimps_ according to Sirius)? Though, even without that, he supposed she could easily blame everything on a childhood trauma or mother issues. It was not like he had not experienced the first and did not have a problem with second. "I…I…" His intelligent muttering once again tried to express the hurricane of emotions he felt. _Unsuccessfully_, needless to say.

"Does it have to do anything with your special someone?" Lily asked him, reaching for his hand and squeezing it gently with her own, trying to encourage him. Remus nodded, thankful that she started it.

"You want to tell me who he is?" He nodded again. Wait…_He_?

"Well then, it's about time to get that off your chest." Lily smiled compassionately. "Because I can't stand to watch you so miserable anymore. That boy is going to be the death of you if you don't do something about it, darlin'." Lily squeezed his hand even tighter now.

_That boy_? Well, it shouldn't have come as a surprise, should it? There had been just too much 'coincidental' word-play with Lily Evans these days.

"You…kn..?"

"Of course I know. You're so cute when he's around you, with all that blushing and looking all too lost and adorable." Lily smiled gently before lowering her voice. "Though I'll say this, of all people you chose Sirius Black to fall in love with. And don't deny it I know it's love what's bothering you, Remus." Lily interrupted him with her hand when Remus opened his mouth to say something. "But Sirius of all people…That cocky, immature little twit." Lily said too gently for anyone to consider it as an insult. She loved Sirius very much despite their little differences. But in all honestly, the recipe including Sirius' short fuse and Lily's harsh criticism of his promiscuous and mischievous ways couldn't exactly be a winning combination. But they tried, she knew how much Sirius cared for his friends and Sirius knew how much James cared for Lily. Still, the Gryffindor's love-'em-then-leave-'em-before-they-become-too-clingy policy had never sit well with the red head (maybe because of the fact he had left few of her female friends heart-broken in the process?). Be that as it may, Remus agreed with her whole-heartedly on the matter. "Though he is unbelievably handsome, I'll give him that." Lily admitted reluctantly. The young werewolf agreed whole-heartedly with that too.

"Need I remind you you're in a loving relationship with one awfully similar, cocky, immature little twit?" Remus joked, totally able to joke now that he had made sure Lily didn't judge him. Feeling 100 pounds lighter after he had shared his secret with her. "Yeah." Lily chuckled. "I guess you and I have quite disturbing taste in men."

"I guess we do." Remus smiled before some sadness took over his heart. "Though you don't have that problem of your one and only tragic love being the biggest playboy in school. I won't even start on his sexual preferences." The joy he felt because he had shared his secret was a temporary, fleeing thing apparently. The whole weight of the world fell upon his fragile shoulders again, pushing him hard on his knees.

"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that…" Lily muttered more to herself than Remus. Then she shook her head, giving Remus one enigmatic smile. That Lily-smile that meant she was plotting something… something Remus surely would not appreciate. "I think there's more to him than meets the eye. I mean, you two are perfect together…Let me finish." Once again interrupted, Remus could only sit there and listen to his silly friend and her foolish ideas. Merlin's most baggy Y-fronts, the red-head was even more delusional than him! "…just like two puzzle pieces. Sirius and James, yeah, quite like brothers, lethal when together…the terribly annoying, untamable double act. But Sirius, hm…he's different when he's around you, not that arrogant, not that juvenile, not that _untamable_…" Remus watched Lily as she considered her words for a moment, now feeling his stomach doing a salto. What was it exactly? Fear? Denial? Hope? What? "I think you're the main reason that keeps him on the right road…I believe he cares for you even more than you think."

Now that was it! Remus frowned pulling his hand back. Why was she feeding him with this irrational hope? It could never happen! Besides, James and Sirius were best friends, buddies, living in each other's pockets. Remus was…more like a father figure to them, their official party popper with his boring warnings and advices, disapproving prefect glares and 'tsk-tsks'. Sirius could never like him more than he liked James, in a different way than he liked James! Then again…Lily had a point there…for all his arrogant bluster Sirius was an entirely different person around his friends, around Remus especially. He was surprisingly kind and gentle and caring and even overly-protective over the werewolf…and he wasn't like that with James and Peter. Sure, he would die in a heart-beat for any of them, but, come to think of it, Remus had never seen Sirius so overly-protective when it came to James. But then again, James could stand up for himself, he didn't need protection, he wasn't damaged, half-broken like Remus. But NO. Just NO. Damn you, Lily. This was just cruel. "Stop it. Just stop saying that!" Remus raised his voice, heart hammering against his chest.

Lily didn't move though. She just smiled again. "Hey, Remus let me ask you something…How many times was I wrong about judging people's emotions eh? That's right, _never_." she said, crossing her arms over her chest, looking at him gently. Well, he couldn't fight her on that one. "Now, if you would just listen to me…Let me do a bit of investigating and I think-"

"No Lily!" Remus almost yelled, now completely determined. "Don't do anything, ok? Just, just…be there for me. I would just like someone with whom I can talk about this. Ok? " The young werewolf desperately looked at her, this emotional roller coaster ride of his now slowing down. Remus couldn't quite tell what was going on behind that expression on her face, but after few seconds she nodded. "Ok, if that's what you want…I'm always there for you, you know that."

Remus smiled gratefully. After a few moments of silence he muttered - "I really love him, Lily."

"I know, dear." Lily's hand found his own again.

"But I can't lose him. I'd rather have this love thing kill me than destroy our friendship."

"Oh, Remus…" she stood up and hugged him. "You're amazing, you know that?"

"Yeah, well, it's not really helping my case. " he smiled sadly once she let go of him. "So, breakfast, Lils? Guys are already downstairs I think."

Lily nodded. "Oh, yeah, I forgot to ask, how did your date go?"

"Actually, that's something I wanted to talk to you about…"

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The Great Hall was rather crowded today, even though Lily and Remus were among the last students to arrive for breakfast. A seemingly open sky showed light clouds and a blazing sun, which matched Remus' current mood perfectly. Lily knew, someone knew, he was no longer alone in his agony! For the first time in a long time the lycanthrope felt…happy, calm, _light_. Rosy cheeks and smiling faces over platefuls of eggs and toast, voices laughing and screeching, gossip and chatter filling the entire Hall as the two prefects searched for their friends. Finally they saw them, parked at the end of the Gryffindor table. Remus' cheerfulness suddenly crashed hard into a solid brick wall when he saw Sirius murderously stabbing his breakfast and cramming eggs into his mouth. He exchanged a worried look with Lily before glancing briefly to the ceiling to check if there was a violent storm coming their way.

Lily greeted Peter and Sirius (the latter not even bothering to lift his eyes from the plate), before planting one gentle kiss on James' lips. They boy smiled moving a bit to the left so that Lily could sit next to him. "Here, I saved you some cereal." he grinned at his girlfriend, sliding a bowl across the table. "Before Wormtail inhaled the whole bloody box. Yeah, it was a difficult struggle, barely saved my arm from his teeth. Now, don't you just have the world's most amazing boyfriend? It must have surely earned me another kiss." He tried, slipping his hand around Lily's waist. She just smirked playfully, taking cereals from him not missing to gently brush her fingers over James' hand in the process. Remus sat himself in the seat next to Wormtail and across Sirius, stealing a glance at the grey-eyed Black and realizing he was still fuming. After whispering something to James' ear (which made the boy's eyes light up mischievously) Lily turned her attention to Sirius. "What's wrong with you? Why so serious?" she asked with a chuckle which earned her one nasty look from the raven-haired boy. He hated puns, Remus knew.

"Oh, Padfoot was just telling us about the evil plot, a masonic conspiracy so to speak, created only to keep him away from a certain Hufflepuff's precious treasure. I can tell you every detail about it, seeing as he repeated it a HUNDERED AND FIFTY times!" James nudged his best friend lightly. Wormtail laughed, almost choking on a rather big chunk of bacon he had been trying to swallow. Remus clapped him between the shoulder blades and after managing to finally swallow his bite, the chubby boy emptied a whole glass of water.

"Easy there, Wormy, I know your undying love for James is strong enough to perforate your throat, but could you please not do that here. People are trying to eat." Sirius finally made a joke, still obviously very irritated but at least he stopped murdering his eggs. Peter blushed concentrating once again on his food. "And as for you and your over-sized head…" he continued turning his attention to James. "Just shut up. If you were a decent human being you would be more concerned about the fact your best friend had been attacked and less concerned with exchanging saliva with your girlfriend." Remus felt his throat tighten as he realized Sirius didn't let this vengeance thing go. But what had he expected really? Sirius was stubborn as a mule, when he set his mind to something.

James smirked, running a hand through his hair and the back of his head, checking to see if his head did get a few sizes too big. "Oversized? What? Has my head gotten bigger?" he played stupid with that teasing smirk of his. "You don't think it's swollen, do you?"

Sirius rolled his eyes and wacked James upside the head. "Wanker." He commented briefly before looking at Remus. "Well, you've been awfully quiet. I take it you don't approve of this." An irritation in the young Black's voice perfectly mirroring his feelings. Remus frowned, trying not to show that he didn't just not approve but was very much afraid of Sirius' revenge plan. "And when did that stop you?" he said, with a dry chuckle, and nervous eyes, before muttering Lily to pass the salt. "I just think you should calm down before making rush decisions, Padfoot. I'm still convinced it was all just a joke gone wrong or something silly like that." Remus tried to reason with a boy. Merlin, was this breakfast becoming progressively difficult.

"No, it was not!" Sirius shook his head. "Look, there was just us there…I mean, besides Rosmerta and a bunch of firstyears next to the bar. The first just wants to ravish me badly, you know you'll-be-walking-sideways-for-months-afterwards, yeah that badly…and the second, well, not really a jelly-brain jinx level you'll agree. So, oh the ever so bright Remus, it could not have been a coincidence. It could have only been…Oh my god…" Sirius suddenly stopped as the realization hit him. The werewolf could feel the color draining from his cheeks and his heart sinking all the way down to his feet. He looked at Lily with horror, and the red-head shot him one keep-calm look in return. "Merlin's pants! I know who jinxed me!" Sirius almost jumped , knocking down the pumpkin juice which spilled all over Wormtails' lap but no-one seemed to notice that. James was looking curiously at Sirius, Lily was eying Remus worriedly, and Remus was too busy being horrified. _Stupid, stupid, stupid! You just can't get away with anything can you?!_ The lycanthrope closed his eyes for a moment expecting whole hell to break loose.

"Higgins! That gigantic blast-ended skrewt! It was Pricilla! How come I didn't see it before?!" The name (and a rather nasty parallel) suddenly made Remus open his eyes and raise his eyebrows skeptically at the raven haired boy. What the…? Pricilla?! Why? _But yes, oh Merlin, thank you! No….wait…no…this isn't good._

"I'm gonna kill her!" Padfoot exclaimed furiously, clutching his hand into a fist and slamming it on the table. This finally made Remus snap out of his daze and find his voice. "Erm…You're being ridiculous, Sirius. What makes you think she did it?"

"I don't know. I thought she liked you but…I guess she's either in love with me or with Helen. Jealousy is a crazy thing." _Oh really? Do tell me about that, Sirius._ "It just makes sense…I mean no one else could do it." Remus just blinked now not having a faintest idea what to say. Luckily, Lily jumped to help. "Of course." she rolled her eyes sarcastically. "Everyone's just head over heels for you. I'm surprised we've managed to avoid casualties for this long. I mean, you're_just_ _so_ _fatal_." His girlfriend's mockery made James snicker. "True story. I just piss my pants every time I see you, mate." He agreed throwing one fake, dreamy yet very dirty smile Sirius' way. The grey-eyed boy seriously needed an ego check; yet, his friends were loathe to tell him the truth about it, because Peter was too busy worshipping James, James liked to 'play in a sandbox with his best buddy Pads' too much to worry about how full of shit Sirius was half the time (not that James was any better) and Remus was too hopelessly in love with him (plus, he found his childish arrogance quite adorable but shhh!) So, it was up to Lily to get it right.

"Oh, bugger off." Sirius just snapped, obviously concentrated more on this sudden realization than on his friends and their attempts to turn his 'epic amazingness' into a joke. "Well…" he said inspecting the Hufflepuff table, searching Pricilla with his gaze. A cruel, vindictive smile crept up his lips when he saw her. "I'm off to make a scene. You can visit that bloody mountain troll in a Hospital Wing once I'm done with her."

A sudden horror infected every cell in Remus' body like a virus. He could not let this happen. He could not let Pricilla take the fall for his thoughtless actions._Right?_ Being a Libra, Remus often made his decisions based on his imaginary balance scale. This time, he caught himself measuring Sirius' friendship on one pan and Pricilla's wellbeing on another and what came as a result shocked the young werewolf. He was indeed a dark, vicious beast somewhere in the core of his being, no matter how much his friends tried to convince him otherwise. Merlin, for a short moment there he was actually willing to let the Hufflepuff girl get hurt for the sake of Sirius' friendship. The lycanthrope shook his head, chasing away those horrifying thoughts. _What kind of person are you, idiot? _ "Sirius, stop!" he hissed.

„You won't talk me out of this, Remus! Don't even bother." Sirius replied, standing up now. Oh, Remus knew that all too well. He recognized that familiar, nonnegotiable determination in the young Black's eyes. _Well, your move, moron. Go, fix this now. Tell him what you did -_Remus's conscious yelled at him. _Ok, fine, but don't cry when we end up heart broken and alone - t_he boy shushed it, taking a deep breath.

„Sirius, wait...It..." _Uh, here we go, now or never.. _„It wasn't Pricilla...It.." Oh god, why was he looking at him like this. Suspiciously, accusingly, harshly,_unfriendly_...Remus' tower was undeniably crashing down now no matter how much scotch tape he had used to keep the blocks together. _Goodbye, Sirius._ „It was...It was..._me_..."

Silence.

That sort of silence that caused extreme discomfort, the kind where everything became more and more oppressive with each passing moment.

For a second there, the Gryffindor's head froze. His facial features re-arranged themselves to something that remotely resembled bewilderment before slipping away into amusement. Sirius laughed loudly, in a very dog-like manner. "You're killing me, Moony!" he laughed dismissing Remus' words with a wave of his hand. "Now, if you'll excuse me…" he added, turning around. Sirius thought he was _joking_! Merlin's pants, he couldn't even imagine something as _absurd_ as his friend, Remus Lupin, hexing him. Boy, was he about to be surprised! Screw it, this was horrible but it needed to be done. Remus jumped and in a few quick steps he was in front of his friend. "Sirius?" he muttered, a sincere, painful expression on his face. "I…I'm not joking..."

After a few, excruciatingly long moments which Sirius had spent examining his friends face, Remus gulped. Sirius' expression became a dark, incomprehensible mask as he leaned closer to Remus, so close that the lycanthrope was now able to feel his breath on his face. " .What?" he drawled murderously. Remus shivered slightly. _Oh for the love of god, someone stop this! Just don't ask me why Sirius, please don't._

"_Why _did you do it, Remus?" The words cut like a razor blade through the tension. _Damn it! Here's what you get for even daring to love someone. Did you think the world has anything nice stored for a freaky little werewolf boy? You stupid, naïve idiot. Now you'll lose your friend, so maybe you'll learn then._

"I…I…I'm sorry….It's because I…"

"Because what?!"

"Because I like…um…" _Because I like you! Because I'm fucking in love with you!_

"Because you like…what? Tell me Remus!"

"Because…" _Oh, Merlin, help me! I can't do this! It's not worth it! I can't lose you, Sirius._

"Because I like…Helen!" Remus yelled desperately in one crazy moment of inspiration.

"What?" Sirius recoiled slightly in shock. "What?" James quirked his eyebrows. "What?" whispered Lily. "Hey, you like the same girl! Uh-oh trouble." concluded Wormtail, crunching his cake.

Remus could not decrypt that expression on Sirius' face now. He hoped that Sirius bought it…it wasn't the happiest excuse in the world but hey, it was better than because-im-crazy-about-you-and-all-I-want-to-do-is-pull-you-into-a-broom-closet-to-snog-and-do-things-objectionable-in-about-fifty-countries. But what the young Black did next, surprised Remus greatly. Instead of throwing a tantrum or something like that, Sirius smiled widely at the boy and put his arm around Remus' shoulder. "Why didn't you say something, Moony? If I knew I wouldn't…Merlin's beard, you should have told me." he grinned at his friend. "Now, I'll fix everything, don't you worry now, we'll get you the girl, Moons." Ok, perhaps this wasn't one of his brightest ideas. Sirius apparently had developed a fetish over the years for playing Remus' own personal match-maker. Which tended to have quite disastrous endings (mainly because Remus wasn't interested). But, the lycanthrope didn't have a choice now than to play along. "As the matter of fact I'll start now." Sirius exclaimed, pointing his finger at Helen who was just leaving the Great Hall.

"Wait…" Remus opened his mouth to protest but Sirius ignored him and waving goodbye to his friends he disappeared into the crowd of students hurrying to their classes. The amber-eyed boy could only watch and wait for his life to become one even bigger mess.

"Get a grip on yourself, mate. We're gonna be late for Divination. "Wormtail's voice broke through his thoughts. Remus nodded absently letting his legs take him after Lily and Peter.

"You're such a terrible liar, Moons." James said with that peculiar smirk of his and a wink of his eye before catching up with Lily and leaving a confused Remus behind.

What the hell was that now? Seriously…was there an end to this mess?

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**Author's Note/ Thank you guys for reviews and messages, you're great! 3 So, what do you think about Remus? I'd really like to know because this is the first time I'm writing from his POV. I'm more accustomed to writing Sirius (: Toodles!**


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